WHO AM I?
Who am I? That’s one question that most of us don’t have the answer to. We try different things everyday to find what our interest lies in but is that what it takes ? Does doing something that maybe interests you for a while or longer define who you are? Some say the social group we live in defines who we are. Some say what job you work for defines you. Some agree that the clothes you wear make up who you are. But is that all?
But what if it’s a mask? What if people are just pretending to be someone they’re not because of reasons. Like wanting to fit in a particular social hierarchy or just fear of being judged by the world. It’s tough, surviving in a place where you don’t think you belong, but you want to. Changing yourself according to their needs just to live up to their expectations.
There are many people around who do that but there are so many who don’t. People who are not afraid of the world, not afraid of what others think or say about them. Such people are inspirations and inspired by a few of them, I bring you this. A path to discovering who you truly are.
I want to share something with you’ll, a secret I discovered while walking down this road. If you’ve would known me two years ago, you’ll find that I wasn’t who I am now. When I just got out of school, I was this lonely kid, depressed from the inside because she didn’t have friends. I did have some back in school but in the end I realised that they only used me for their personal reasons and when they were done with me, I was ignored. I kept making the same mistake over and over again, each year with a different set of people thinking that maybe everyone isn’t the same. But they all were. I had a tough time dealing with this. It used to keep me awake all night. It would make me imagine people from fictious books as my friends. I would even hallucinate about them; not only during my sleep but also at daytime, when I was wide awake. I would be desperate for alone time with all of my windows shut and my door locked, in my room, all by myself. But then as every story gets a shining ray of hope, mine did too. It was when I joined college. At first it was all the same, people purposely talking to me because they had no one around. But then this one day, I met someone. She was in one of the classes; a really sweet person. Despite my attempts to not let in too much, she managed anyway. She introduced me to a bunch of her other friends and in no time, I was a part of them. A part of something. And those guys? They didn’t make me feel like an outsider. Even though initially I had a hard time fitting in, they welcomed me, always. And soon, I just got in. Things were finally starting to feel great but I was afraid of what they might think if they ever found out about my past. Soon enough, they got to know about it too and even after that they were still the same. It was with them that I started discovering myself more and more. My hallucinations, late nights, nightmares; they all just evaporated into thin air, almost like they were non- existent. It was with them that I discovered my passion about writing and a lot of other things. I dealt with situations in a way that I wouldn’t have dealt with earlier in the same way. I’ve known them for two years now and that’s the longest I’ve ever had friends.
And that’s when I found out this little secret that while you’re on your path of finding who you are, it’s your friends that lead you to it.
Love, Blue Host.
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