08/02/20

MAYBE

Do you ever feel out of place? Like you don’t belong with the people you’re with. They make you feel like such an outsider that all you wanna do is leave. You stick around thinking that maybe it’s just your overactive imagination that’s saying these crazy things but then every time stuff happens, where they make you realize that you’re not wrong, that they really don’t want you around. They keep saying that you’re important, that your existence matters but always behave the opposite, almost like they’re ashamed to be with you.

It’s funny how hard you try to fit in somewhere when you knew you couldn’t from the beginning. You give it everything you’ve got, do things that you don’t like just so that people would accept you. You wake up everyday, hide all your flaws, fight up a fake smile on your face despite all the negative things going on with you and be with them, trying to impresss them, secretly hoping that they would realise it’s just a mask.

You wish they would understand that you’re not okay, that you’re dealing with things that you don’t know how to deal with. You’ve known them for so long that you just expect them to see that you’re faking, that you’re not the happy- go- lucky soul you’re trying to be, that you’re just so afraid of what’s happening to you, that you’re tired of having to deal with it alone again and again. You don’t want their pity or sympathy, just a support or a reminder that, ‘Hey, you matter to us’.

There are so many people around us everyday who struggle with these things. They can be your friends, siblings or your colleagues. They might be really good at hiding it and pretending that they’re okay but they’re really not. Just talk to them. Ask them how their day was. Ask them about any recent events they encountered. Because sometimes a simple conversation is what it takes to help someone heal.

Love, Blue Host.